I was the one who was overlooked, because I didn't know how bad my PTSD and survivor's-guilt issues were coming across to others. There would be times that I was OK, angry, hateful, paranoid and aggressive, but never fully knew why. So I started counseling, then came the medicine. This went on for years! Memory issues started to be effective, I had issues at work, then came a few meltdowns. During this time I would be extremely hard on myself. Others who enjoyed my company would be kind, while others would ask me to leave or I would just be quiet. Over time I would make bad decisions that made me isolate myself from friends, family and the world. Then came the day that pushed me over the edge. I was kicked out of a pizza joint over having a service dog. When I tried to explain how we did nothing wrong or that it was against the law, the manager didn't care! No one cared or stood up for my service dog or me. So when I got home, I made call after call for help with the pizza joint, a lawyer and veterans crisis hotline. But no help - so I took my medicine to help calm me down. Which didn't help either. So after destroying my military medals and other items, I took a bottle of lamp oil and poured it over my head and clothes and set myself on fire.
This was the cruelest thing I could do to punish myself for mistakes made, for going out in public and over all wanting to end the pain in my head of being such a failure!
My wife saved me by putting a coat over me to stop the flames. She then called 911 to have me sent from a local hospital, airlifted to the burn and cardiac unit at UMPC Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh.
Over the next week I would code/die 10 different times, three skin grafts, one month in a coma and a hole in my throat so I could breathe! And my family told that the odds of me making it were not good and to prepare for the worst.
Then after being stable I was moved down to a recovering unit to learn to walk, talk, use my hands, eat and memory loss. I only recognize my mother. I ask about my wife and where was she? Only to find her standing next to me! And I didn't know her.
Then came time to come home! And I'm still recovering physically, mentally as well as rebuilding my strength. With time I was told I would recover to the new me.
With this: check in with others, learn the warning signs and most of all, be kind. It cost nothing but time, love and patience!