My favorite story about boot camp begins at the draft physical.

My friend John was a good enough shot to try out for the US Olympic pistol team even though he had a glass eye. At his draft physical, the sign over the head of the eye exam line asked people to report problems like tunnel vision and blindness. John thought that was his license to go to the front of the line and avoid the long wait. He tried twice and each time the doctor thoroughly reamed him out. After standing for more than 40 minutes, he was finally examined. The doc concluded, “Why, you’re blind in your right eye!” John said, “That’s what I’ve been tryin’ to tell you, you %#!”

The doc was so flustered he forgot to check the visually incompetent box and John was drafted.

One night in the barracks latrine, the training sergeant found John rummaging around. “What’s a maggot doing in here?” asked the sergeant. “Looking for a cup.” “WHAT??” screamed back the sergeant. “SIR, looking for a cup, SIR!!” “And what would maggot be looking for a cup for?” “SIR, to put my eye in, SIR!!” “Well,” replied the sergeant, “Let’s see if we can’t just find a cup for maggot to put his eye in.”

Eventually a cup was found, John popped out his glass eye, and he was discharged the next week. I wish I had been there to see the look on that training sergeant’s face!